Girl Wonder and I recently made a 13 hour road trip to visit family in Florida. Having been raised on a finely tuned set of road rules, she’s a true road warrior.
After logging many hours on the road, my 10 road trip rules have proven successful time and time again. Successful meaning the car reached the pre-established destination, the driver was alive, the driver was awake, the passenger was alive and not duct taped to any exterior portion of the vehicle.
Road trip rules are especially useful if you are traveling solo with any number of children. It is a proactive measure to protect the emotional health and physical well being of all those in the vehicle. They will keep you from being forcibly removed from your vehicle at a rest stop and shoved into a straight jacket while screaming “The dingo ate my baby!”.
I am sharing these rules with you so that you too may raise up your children to be road warriors. Kids already have several road trips under their belt? No fear. It’s never to late to begin an intensive and rigorous study program to re-acclimate children to the rules of the road. Flash cards, schematic diagrams and pop quizzes are all perfectly acceptable ways to teach your children their rights and responsibilities while hurtling down the highway with you.
10 simple rules make road trips an adventure instead of a speeding mission to saving your sanity. Once you have firmly imprinted these rules in the minds of your children you will either (a) thank me for bringing a zen-like calm and peace to your vehicle or (b) never ever ever want to take a road trip with me.
Let’s start with Road Trip Rule #1.
Road Rule 1: TallyHo
Road trips should start with an air of adventure and good cheer because at some point you’re going to want to beat each other senseless with rubber bats, force your children to walk the remaining 400 miles of your trip or simply curl up in the backseat and cry for your mommy.
Issuing the charge of “tallyho” establishes a positive and festive mood, instantly creating excitement you can tap into during the foggy, black moods that fall upon any road trip of great duration.
“Tallyho” may only be yelled once the car is packed, passengers loaded, fuel is onboard and you’re heading into the fray with every other driver in the universe.
Yelling prematurely may not provide off the chart excitement (a rule that goes beyond just road trips). Hollering “Tallyho” while filling your gas tank and watching your children make blow fish faces all over clean car windows or shoving cheese sticks up their nose is a total buzz kill.
Chant “Tallyho!” as if you’re a knight astride your horse preparing to charge into battle.
Keep repeating “Tallyho” until you’ve achieved optimal enthusiasm. At this point you may put the car into gear and hit the road. May God bless you and keep you safe.
Next week we will tackle the rule that keeps you zipping down the highway instead of doing hygiene checks at every rest stop you pass.
xo
Franny
Catch up on the rest of the series here
